You've Reached The Complaint Line

no grievance too small, or too petty!

Recently, one of my full-time jobs (I have approximately four) has been complaining. If you just read this and thought, no kidding, it likely means I have your phone number and you’ve been on the receiving end of a series of voice memos from me where all I do is complain. Or, you live close by and have been helping me complete my transition into middle-aged, Upper West Sider in a diner. Thank you for your service.

Listen, there is no shortage of things to complain about in 2026. But my complaints have been more specific to me. At some point I’m sure I’ll write this out in detail, but the shortest version is, I took a big swing on a big project last fall that I was very excited about, and it fell flat. I spent the fall quite angry and vocal about this, and then I dealt with it and moved on. Or so I thought.

Cut to the past two months, when I have been reminded weekly that actually my project was a terrific idea and I was right. It has been infuriating. (Also, there is only so much satisfaction in being right when it doesn’t come with a paycheck.) I have complained long and loudly about it. It is my sole topic of conversation. I am currently a one trick complaining pony.

I don’t particular enjoy being a complainer (or a one trick pony). For one, it gets boring — as much for me as for others. I prefer action. And each week I resolve to get over it, move on, be proactive. Most of my complaints begin with the phrase… “I’m going get over this…” And then something else will happen, and I will absolutely not get over it.

Then this week, yet another big thing fell through and once again here I am COMPLAINING. This time to you!

Because complaining has become my entire personality (I’m hopeful once the weather warms up I will return to being caftan person) I’ve been thinking a lot about how much complaining is too much. I worry about getting stuck in this cycle of relentlessly pointing out what is wrong to the point of paralysis.

My inclination, and the inclination of some (very patient, adored and well-meaning) friends is that I should try to turn the rage and frustration into action. They are not wrong! Rebecca Traister wrote an entire fantastic book about the power of rage to effect change. Doing so also gives purpose to experiences that can feel completely out of one’s control.

And yet, it’s been notable, and actually quite satisfying, how many friends have told me I should be complaining. That I’m allowed to be angry and nothing more. Not only that, but they’ve enjoyed hearing me complain.

Ann, the person who converted me into a voice memo-er to begin with, responded to my most recent “sorry to complain into your phone yet again” by asking for more!

Says Ann: “It is not only ‘okay’ to complain to me, it is explicitly welcome. When I hear a torrent of complaints from another woman, I feel a deep satisfaction and validation, as if my own petty gripes and wails of injustice have been freed from the recesses of my mind and allowed to run in the open air.”

Personally, I think this should be a greeting card series. Or the basis for some sort of friendship vows. Ann also pointed me in the direction of Sara Ahmed, who’s written extensively on the power of complaining and how it can help us identify and see institutions more clearly. I can attest that I’m currently an expert in the shortcomings of certain institutions.

Then, earlier this week, I was listening to Jenn Romolini and Kimberly Harrington’s, much-anticipated, wonderfully satisfying new podcast No Country For Old Women and my ears perked up when Jenn said “I had a friend be like, I’m so mad. And I know you’re supposed to put anger into it, into something productive. I know I need to put this in a good place. And I’m like, why? I hate that. I hate that so much…Like, are men told to reframe their anger the way women are? I mean, I’ve never heard it.”

I suspect I am said friend because Jenn has been on the receiving end of many of my voice memos and this is basically what she has said to me in response (though, there is certainly no shortage of women having things to complain about in America 2026). And she’s right! Men never have to reframe their anger (or complaints).

I want to extend the generosity of all these women and say to you, tell me your complaints. Not the big stuff…when it comes to that, I do think action by way of the voting booth and community organizing is the best place to direct your energy.

Here instead is a place for the small stuff! The petty! The every day! The personal! Like Normal Gossip but for complaining. COMPLAIN TO ME. I’ll run them in a future newsletter (no names) and we can, like Ann, be validated, by our shared discontent.

** COMPLAIN HERE. NO COMPLAINT TOO SMALL OR PETTY. **